What is an Attitude?

It is easier to change the way you think than your emotions.

What is an attitude? An attitude is a point of view about a situation. An attitude has three components. An attitude is made up of: What you think. What you do. What you feel. No matter what situation you are in you always have certain thoughts about it. You also have an emotional response to it, and you behave a certain way in it. To begin changing your attitude you either change your thinking, the way you act, or the way you feel. Two of these choices are easier to influence than the third. It is easier to change the way you think or behave than to change your emotions. However, it is usually our emotions that get our attention in regard to the situation. It is our emotions that we most want to change. When we feel sad, angry, anxious, or frustrated we don’t like it. We want the feeling to quickly go away. So we start trying to change the emotion. We often begin by trying to change others so we can feel better. It doesn’t work. We engage in behaviors like alcohol and drug abuse to numb the feelings. It doesn't work. Working all the time or excessive shopping are attempts at avoiding emotional distress. They don't work. Our initial tendency is to focus on the feeling level and to change it first. The feeling or emotional level, however, is the most difficult to work on. You can’t "grasp" a feeling and force it to change. Feelings are powerful but vague. You can not get a grip on a feeling. If you want to change your feelings you must start elsewhere. You must begin with either your thinking or your behavior over which you have more control. The secret in effectively changing your emotions is knowing that feelings, thoughts, and behaviors are all related. When you change one of them ( for example, thinking) the other two (feelings and behavior) will change as well. Since it is easier to get a "grasp" on thoughts and behavior this is the place to begin your work of staying resilient. Change what you think! Change what you do! The emotions will change and you will be creating resiliency.

You Are What You Think

All of us have an "Inner Observer" who comments on what we do. Worry can make a small problem big. To change your attitude, change your mind.

You are responsible for your thinking. Change your thinking and life will get better. But, what thoughts do you change? Your troublesome thoughts about a situation can easily be found in your self-talk. Self-talk is that inner running dialogue you have with yourself. It is what you tell yourself about life's situations. All of us have a voice that talks to us. You might think of it as your conscience. It might be that "inner observer" who seems to sits in the corner and watches everything you do. You may recognize it as that voice that starts talking to you upon awakening in the morning. Sometimes it may wait until you look in the mirror before it actually speaks. It is that voice that says, "You sure are handsome." or "What a wonderful person you are." Or "You are going to have a great day." It might say, "You are so slim and your hair looks beautiful." If you don’t' recognize this voice then yours may be speaking to you in a different tone. You might be hearing, "You look like crap today" or "You sure have gained a lot of weight." "Your hair is a mess." "It's is a terrible day! Get back in bed." This voice, the negative, critical one, is one of the main reasons we have so many problems. It can destroy resiliency by opening the flood gates and draining away your energy. This voice can make anything worse. You may be like most people and know how to take any small problem, think about it for awhile, and have a bigger problem. That little voice keeps telling you what might go wrong. All of the dark possibilities are pointed out. The imagination creates a very bad situation. The problem goes from a mild annoyance to a major catastrophe as you convince yourself that the imagined situation is the real situation. You are now busy confronting a problem that only exists in your mind. Any response, at this point, is going to be out of proportion to the original problem. The normal reaction to the original problem is most likely some degree of emotional distress. If you have been laid off from a job, you may be feeling some combination of tense, worried, anxious, sad, irritated, frustrated, or angry. All of these are normal emotions for the experience. However, that inner voice may be busy exaggerating, " This is horrible and terrible. It is the world’s worst thing. You will never find another job. You are a hopeless and helpless person. No one will ever hire you. You won’t be able to pay your bills. You will lose everything you have. You should just give up." With such a running dialogue you will soon fall into depression or become enraged at your imagined mistreatment. In a deep depression you may decide that the situation is hopeless and become suicidal. In a state of rage you may act in an inappropriate, violent manner towards your former employer. Either reaction is too intense because the response is to a situation you have created in your mind. Change your mind, your attitude, and the problem can shrink back to its original size. The original problem may be bad enough but it is not the catastrophe you have invented. To change your attitude you must change the inner dialogue. To change the dialogue you must catch it in action. To do this you have to pay attention to yourself. You must engage in self-observation and listen for that inner voice. The next time that you find yourself feeling "bad" don’t start asking, "Who did this to me?" Don’t start looking around for the external cause of your problems. What you should do is to ask yourself, "What have I been thinking?" "What have I been telling my self?" You may find that your inner dialogue has put you deep into emotional distress

Gambar 3D Streogram

The Relaxation Stereogram will teach you how to relax now!

• Find the hidden image.
• While keeping the hidden word insight, begin to silently and slowly repeat the phrase - "I am relaxed" - in a rhythm with your breathing.
• When you inhale think, "I am ..." and when you exhale think, "... relaxed."
• Losing sight of the word is a signal that you have lost your concentration. Simply, refocus on the word and continue slowly repeating the phrase.
• Do this procedure for several minutes, and you will notice the signs.
• Click the picture for bigger image.

How do you see them?

At the top of each picture there are two dots. You need to relax your eyes and slightly cross them so that the two dots become three. You should then be able to see the 3D picture appear like magic in the pattern, almost real enough to touch.

Some simple ways to relieve stress.

If you feel like this cat looks,
you are too stressed!
Scroll down to learn ways of de-stressing.

Here are some simple ways to relieve stress.

Watch a sunset	Go to the beach	Be positive
Sing a song	Pet a dog	Tell a joke
Listen to music	Blow bubbles	Take a nap
Dance a jig	Take a walk	Write a letter
Have a cup of tea	Ask for help	Smile
Take a break	Do it now!	Stretch
Keep a journal	Hum a tune	Practice patience
Get up early	Meditate	Do Tai Chi
Play a drum	Prioritize	Give a hug
Throw a ball	Play with a child	See a movie
Plant a flower	Say "No"	Set Limits
Eat a snack	Read a book	Practice kindness
Light a candle	Laugh out loud	Lie in the sun
Walk in the rain	Run in the park	Talk to a friend
Take a bubble bath	Avoid negative people	Take a deep breath
Ask for what you need	Go to bed on time	Walk a labyrinth
Give a compliment	Clean a closet	Go barefoot
Give a blessing	Watch a sunrise	Say a prayer

Response to stress

What you need to know about your response to stress

Stress is the nervous systems response to feeling unsafe, and safety is a prerequisite for survival. The reactions that alert you to stress can appropriately reflect what is realistically happening or they can be a reaction to distressing memories and your own negative thoughts. Distinguishing between the two is important. You do need to know when you are in danger, but feeling endangered all the time will drain and exhaust your immune system exposing you to all kinds of illness.

Stress is a universal experience, but responses to it vary among individuals

Our nervous systems react differently to situations that are, or are perceived to be, overwhelming, isolating, confusing, or threatening. No two people are wired exactly the same, but Dr. Connie Lillas, a child development expert from Los Angeles, uses the analogy of driving a car to describe the three most common ways people respond to stress:

The most common ways of responding to stress are:

• Angry or agitated – a heated, angry, in-your-face response where the person is agitated and can’t sit still.
• Shutdown, depressed, or spaced-out – the person exhibits little energy or emotion.
• Frozen or traumatized – the person is tense and still, can’t get going, and can’t accomplish anything. Some people have had frightening, overwhelming experiences that wire their nervous systems to “freeze” when challenged by stress. Their stress responses are especially complex and contradictory. They may look paralyzed, but are racing within.

In managing stress, you are looking for that “just right” feeling

Many of us spend so much time in a stressed state, we have forgotten what it feels like to be fully relaxed and alert. You can see that “just right” inner balance in the smile of a happy baby—a face so full of joy it reminds adults of the balanced emotional state that most of us have misplaced. In adulthood, being balanced means maintaining a calm state of energy, alertness, and focus. Calmness is more than just feeling relaxed; being alert is an equally important aspect of finding the balance needed to withstand stress.

There are two very different ways to restore equilibrium and they both work well

Your nervous system is primed to deal with stress in two different ways: First, you can dependably calm down in a hurry when you are with another person –someone that you trust—who is calm and focused themselves. Remember that infants are completely dependent on their primary caretaker for calming and soothing. This ability to find comfort in others persists thought out life. All of us need to be able to reach out to others in this way. Doing so may seem like an imposition but, in fact, almost never is. Many if not most people experience helping another as a privilege that makes them feel good about themselves.

The second method for calming and energizing your nervous system is by identifying sensations that immediately relax and energize you. There are particular sights, sounds, smells, tastes and sensations that you can focus on to quickly and dependably to restore your equilibrium when it is out of balance. This is a skill that any adult can develop with practice.

Defusing emotional stress with sensory input

You can take control of your response to stress by investigating those sensations that rapidly bring you back into a state of equilibrium. A stress-buster detective is one who seeks out the right kind of sensory input to soothe, comfort, and invigorate in the moment!

Each person responds differently to sensory input. For example, certain kinds of music may relax one person but irritate another. The smell of incense can lift one person’s distress, but another may benefit most from candle light.

Knowing the right kind of sensory input is essential to:

• Speed up, if you are a person who is spaced out or distressed
• Slow down, if you are a person who is angry or agitated
• Help get unstuck, if you are a person who is frozen with anxiety

Being a “stress-buster detective” will help you take actions that help calm and focus you at home and at work. You can learn to create sensory-rich environments everywhere: in your car, in your office, or wherever you spend time.

You may already be familiar with stress reduction techniques like yoga or meditation, but in relationships, you need to defuse stress in the moment. You need personal stress reduction techniques that:

• Both relax and energize you — help you feel both calm and alert
• Have immediate impact — bring quick, positive responses
• Are enjoyable — you feel good while using the technique
• Are dependable — consistently work for you
• Are available — are at hand or easily accessible

Read the following exercise or go directly to Lesson One in the free video training on this site to develop your ability to quickly defuse emotional stress with the aid of Tool #1: The Elastic.

Sensory awareness exercise: learn what works best for you

To Prepare

Prepare for the sensory awareness exercise by releasing any tension you may be holding in your body. You do this by tensing, tightening, or squeezing parts of your body for 5 seconds and then releasing those muscles. As you release, surrender any tension or discomfort in that part of your body.

• Begin by squeezing your toes and feet for 5 seconds … and let go.

• Next focus on your calves and thighs, squeezing them for 5 seconds … and release. Take a moment to experience the sensations in the skin, muscles, and bones of your legs.

• Now focus on your pelvis and lower back, squeezing these parts for five seconds … and let go.

• Now direct your attention to the muscles in your stomach and middle back, tightening and holding them for five seconds ... and release.

• Now squeeze and hold your chest and upper back … and release. Take a moment to focus on the sensations in the upper part of your body.

• Now tighten your neck and shoulders for five more seconds … and release. Do you feel more relaxed in your neck and shoulders?

• Finally, squeeze and hold the many muscles in your face, including those around your jaw, eyes, mouth, and nose for five seconds … and let go, allowing all of these muscles to go slack.

Take a moment to experience the sensations throughout your body.

Imaginary visualization

Clear your mind of all unrelated thoughts, soften your eyes, and take several slow deep breaths.

• Imagine a forest of trees, a breathtaking arrangement of flowers, or a spectacular beautiful garden.
• See, feel, and experience a water scene that is both cool and invigorating.
• Visualize and experience a person or animal you love.

Take a moment to draw in this experience. Note images that instantly make you feel relaxed.

Sensation of Sounds

• Recall some of the sounds of nature: possibly bird calls, flowing water, or the sound of the wind rustling leaves.
• Recall some melodies, musical instruments, or voices that you enjoy.

Take a moment to draw in the sensation of one of these experiences. Do any of these both sooth and invigorate you?

Sensation of Scents and Smells

• Imagine breathing in the scent of lemons, ripe strawberries, lavender or mint.
• Imagine smelling warm chocolate, gardenia, musk or your favorite perfume.

Allow one of the delightful sensations to linger in your nostrils.

Sensation of Touch

• Recall the feel of a baby’s skin or the softness of a puppy or kitten.
• Imagine the sensation of a soothing touch on your arm or leg.
• Recall having your face or hair stroked.

Take a moment to revel in these sensual delights, noting any sensations that both relax and invigorate you.

Movement Sensations

Now take a moment to stretch. Pay attention to your body sensations while trying the following:

• Move your feet like you are running in place.
• Tap your head lightly with your fingertips or roll your head in circles.
• Move your body pretending you are dancing in place to imaginary music.

Reflecting on the exercise

When you’re done, take a deep breath, fully exhale and take in the experience. What sensations do you feel?

Did you experience colors, sights, scents, or movements that are not part of your memory bank but might be worth exploring? If so, practice until you can recall these sensation whenever you choose.

Stress Test

Mengenal Personaliti Melalui Warna dan Bentuk

Pilih gambar rajah di bawah yang menepati diri anda, hantarkan pilihan anda di dalam ruangan komen dan saya akan berikan analisis personaliti anda. Selamat mencuba.

emotional intelligence

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is essentially the ability to recognize, manage, and use your emotions in positive and constructive ways. It’s also about recognizing the emotional states of others and engaging them in ways that feel good to all and create mutual safety, trust, and confidence.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) vs. Intellectual intelligence (IQ)

Research shows that intellectual intelligence (IQ) has less to do with success in life than emotional intelligence (EQ). We all know people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful. What they are missing is emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is what helps you communicate clearly, lead others, and build powerful relationships at work and in your personal life. Emotional intelligence also helps you motivate yourself, solve problems, and achieve your goals.

Emotional intelligence consists of four fundamental capabilities:

• Self-awareness – the ability to be conscious of your emotions and recognize their impact while using gut feelings to guide your decisions.
• Self-management – the ability to control your emotions and behavior and adapt to changing circumstances.
• Social awareness – the ability to sense, understand, and react to the emotions of others and feel comfortable socially.
• Relationship management – the ability to inspire, influence, and connect to others while managing conflict.

Emotional intelligence is the key to success and resilience

In studying people with strokes, brain tumors, and other types of brain damage, scientists have made some fascinating discoveries about intelligence. When the parts of our brains that enable us to feel emotions are damaged, our intellects remain intact. We can still talk, analyze, perform excellently on IQ tests, and even predict how we should act in social situations. But under these tragic circumstances, we are unable to make decisions in the real world—to interact successfully and appropriately with other people, to plan for the immediate or long-term future, to creatively solve problems, and ultimately, to succeed.

The difference between success and failure in life is less a product of what happens to you than how you react to unexpected, unpleasant, and threatening experiences. Those who can go with the flow survive and prosper.

Emotional intelligence isn’t a safety net that protects you from life’s tragedies, frustrations, or disappointments. Emotionally-intelligent individuals go through bad times and experience sadness, anger, and fear—just like everyone else. But they respond differently than less healthy people to these experiences. Emotional intelligence gives you the ability to cope and bounce back from stress, adversity, trauma, and loss. In other words, emotional intelligence makes you resilient.

Resilience gives you the ability to:

• Stay focused in a frightening or challenging situation
• Experience moments of joy in the face of sadness and loss
• Ask for and get support when needed
• Quickly rebound from frustration and disappointment
• Remain hopeful during challenging and difficult times

Emotional intelligence is the hidden factor in relationships and communication

For decades, we have viewed relationship obstacles through a flawed lens—one that fails to capture the real sources of connection and disconnection between people. When we look at communication from a moment-to-moment perspective, as new brain imaging technologies now enable us to do, we can see that what really keeps people connected lies beneath the surface.

Our emotions connect us to others

Emotions are the building blocks of every relationship in your life, and the power of those emotions cannot be overlooked. Emotions influence the way you relate and react to others—often without your awareness. If you are not keenly aware of the emotions you are experiencing internally and how you are communicating this externally—and similarly aware of the other person—you are apt to:

• Think that you are communicating one thing, while actually communicating something else
• Create confusion, insecurity, and mistrust
• Feel helpless and vulnerable when faced with conflict
• Use humor in a way that is off-putting or distances you from others
• Misinterpret what the other person really wants and needs
• Appear unattractive to others because of the negative effect you have on them

Most relationship advice misses the real emotional issues

Many people seek relationship advice to find answers to problems they believe are responsible for their conflicts, without realizing there are more fundamental emotional issues at the core of those problems. They are attempting to heal the surface symptoms of their dysfunctional relationships, without examining the real emotional issues that are simmering beneath. But until those fundamental issues are addressed, the problems and conflicts will continue.

Strong relationships are based on emotional intelligence

The more we learn about the brain, the more certain we are that humans are highly social creatures with strong needs for relationships and positive connections to others. We’re not meant to survive, let alone thrive, in isolation. Our social brains crave companionship—even when experience has made us shy and distrustful of others.

The ability to be aware of your own emotions and the feelings of others is the key to relationships that are engaging, exciting, fulfilling, creative, and productive. Emotional intelligence keeps your relationships strong and healthy. Without it, your relationships will always stall and break down. Fortunately, emotional intelligence is based on set of skills that you can learn at any time.

The skills of emotional intelligence help you:

• Build safety and trust
• Capture the attention and interest of others
• Respond to others with empathy and compassion
• Send and receive appropriate nonverbal signals
• Be more playful and creative
• Resolve conflict and repair wounded feelings

EQ Test